2013 absolutely flew by. And the past three months - or, really, the past 6-8 months - have been somewhat grueling, emotionally. So I am more than happy to start a "new year", even though I know it's just a change in the date.
I don't really make New Year's resolutions, but I do tend to look ahead and think "what would I like to accomplish in the next 12 months?". Of course I have a long list of things I have put off doing which I'd really like to get done this year. But since I am not an "island unto myself", and I have children/pets/a husband, I refuse to put too much pressure on myself to Get All The Things Done That I Should Have Done days or months or years ago. I know even if I lived alone and was not married and did not have children or pets, I would still be putting pressure on myself to do this-or-that - and for what? Going around with a brain full of pressure and I-shoulds and I-musts is largely unproductive, I think. It just puts so much stress on the brain that all I feel able to do is, well, sit down and think about everything I should be doing.
One thing I would like to do, though, is make writing a regular part of my weekly schedule. I announced publicly (on Facebook, which for me is somewhat similar to announcing it over the intercom at the local grocery store) that in 2014 I wanted to write more. Of course, I didn't say what I would be writing...so I guess I could be sneaky and clever and just write some neatly-worded to-do lists every day, or put out some pithy and rich Tweets or something. But, I am aiming to do more/better than that. I joined up with "NaBloPoMo" for January, which stands for "National Blog Post Month". Technically this is a November activity but it actually happens every month. It means I am supposed to put up a blog post every day in January. Obviously, since it is now January 2, I am already a day late. Oh well! Whether or not I like it, sometimes my efforts to write more this year will just have to take second-place to responsibilities like laundry and grocery shopping (and today, shoveling the driveway possibly). Such is life!
Later,
Jen
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Thursday, February 3, 2011
"Run!! She's quoting from the Bible!!"
My last post, from Sunday 1/30, focused on one of the readings I heard at church that day, and a part of the sermon.
Since my blog is now "syndicated" via Facebook, and also part of BlogFrog, whenever I put up a new post it shows up in those two places. So, presumably, there are a certain number of people who can see the title, and the first few lines of, any post I do.
So I knew, going into that post on Sunday, that there would be large number of people who would steer very clear of that particular post, because it included a quote from....(cue dramatic music)...the BIBLE. Sigh. Let me just say something here. I joined BlogFrog because it is a community of people who blog, usually pretty consistently. I also syndicated my blog via Facebook because, like most folks who blog, they actually want friends, family, acquaintances and perfect strangers to read what they are writing.
But, here are some things I am NOT trying to accomplish with my blog:
1) I am NOT trying to sell you anything, or start my own home decorating business, or revamp your eating habits with lovely, home-tested recipes, or give you the Top Ten Easiest Ways to Change Your Life....etc etc etc. There isn't anything wrong with any of that, I just am not the kind of person to want to write about those things or do those things.
2) Fortunately for me/them/us, none of my children are terminally ill, so I am NOT blogging to capture the attention of thousands in search of prayer warriors. I would certainly appreciate prayer on behalf of my daughter who has Prader-Willi Syndrome - and all individuals who have it - because even though she is doing pretty well, the syndrome still sucks and comes with its own frustrating challenges. And, to be honest, there are enough mysteries about this syndrome that, indeed, something could happen tomorrow that could take her life. I don't know. It is scary to not know - and I know that none of us know the day of our death - but PWS really takes that out of our control even further. Perhaps that in itself deserves prayer. That is another post, I think.
3) I am NOT trying to convert you to (insert religion here). Believe me, folks, it has been enough of a journey, enough of a challenge, enough of a commitment just to get myself to this point in my faith life - I really don't have the time or energy or 'fire' at the moment to try and take the world by storm with a blogging ministry. If I quote from the Bible, or talk about the faith-focused books I'm reading, or mention having a relationship with Jesus...I'm really just thinking out-loud. If it helps someone else, that is wonderful.
On a further note - and perhaps this should really be addressed in another post, but here goes: I am not a fan of people looking for direction for their life, from other humans. I will never be a fan of any 'self-help-guru', like Dr. Oz, or Joel Osteen, or Oprah (seriously?), who goes about helping people by telling those people that they can rely fully on their own human nature to live a peaceful life. Why would I, how could I, depend solely on other humans for advice on how to live?? Aren't those other humans prone to deceit, to making mistakes, to pursuing selfish desires just like any other human? Aren't they driven by the same base human desires as any other human? Go to any bookstore and you will see a couple hundred self-help books, from a zillion different perspectives. You know what? Those authors and their depend-on-yourself advice will be dead-gone-and forgotten in the blink of an eye. If I am looking to change myself, to change how I treat others, to change how I love others, I would much rather take lessons from God, than from humans. I have tried to change under only my own power, and it just. doesn't. work.
Later,
Jen
Since my blog is now "syndicated" via Facebook, and also part of BlogFrog, whenever I put up a new post it shows up in those two places. So, presumably, there are a certain number of people who can see the title, and the first few lines of, any post I do.
So I knew, going into that post on Sunday, that there would be large number of people who would steer very clear of that particular post, because it included a quote from....(cue dramatic music)...the BIBLE. Sigh. Let me just say something here. I joined BlogFrog because it is a community of people who blog, usually pretty consistently. I also syndicated my blog via Facebook because, like most folks who blog, they actually want friends, family, acquaintances and perfect strangers to read what they are writing.
But, here are some things I am NOT trying to accomplish with my blog:
1) I am NOT trying to sell you anything, or start my own home decorating business, or revamp your eating habits with lovely, home-tested recipes, or give you the Top Ten Easiest Ways to Change Your Life....etc etc etc. There isn't anything wrong with any of that, I just am not the kind of person to want to write about those things or do those things.
2) Fortunately for me/them/us, none of my children are terminally ill, so I am NOT blogging to capture the attention of thousands in search of prayer warriors. I would certainly appreciate prayer on behalf of my daughter who has Prader-Willi Syndrome - and all individuals who have it - because even though she is doing pretty well, the syndrome still sucks and comes with its own frustrating challenges. And, to be honest, there are enough mysteries about this syndrome that, indeed, something could happen tomorrow that could take her life. I don't know. It is scary to not know - and I know that none of us know the day of our death - but PWS really takes that out of our control even further. Perhaps that in itself deserves prayer. That is another post, I think.
3) I am NOT trying to convert you to (insert religion here). Believe me, folks, it has been enough of a journey, enough of a challenge, enough of a commitment just to get myself to this point in my faith life - I really don't have the time or energy or 'fire' at the moment to try and take the world by storm with a blogging ministry. If I quote from the Bible, or talk about the faith-focused books I'm reading, or mention having a relationship with Jesus...I'm really just thinking out-loud. If it helps someone else, that is wonderful.
On a further note - and perhaps this should really be addressed in another post, but here goes: I am not a fan of people looking for direction for their life, from other humans. I will never be a fan of any 'self-help-guru', like Dr. Oz, or Joel Osteen, or Oprah (seriously?), who goes about helping people by telling those people that they can rely fully on their own human nature to live a peaceful life. Why would I, how could I, depend solely on other humans for advice on how to live?? Aren't those other humans prone to deceit, to making mistakes, to pursuing selfish desires just like any other human? Aren't they driven by the same base human desires as any other human? Go to any bookstore and you will see a couple hundred self-help books, from a zillion different perspectives. You know what? Those authors and their depend-on-yourself advice will be dead-gone-and forgotten in the blink of an eye. If I am looking to change myself, to change how I treat others, to change how I love others, I would much rather take lessons from God, than from humans. I have tried to change under only my own power, and it just. doesn't. work.
Later,
Jen
Monday, January 17, 2011
Question from "BlogFrog"
Hello everyone,
First, a huge thanks to everyone who has visited here. I so appreciate your visit, your comments, your insights!
Second, I thought it might be good to provide some background, not only on our life here but also some insight on the question I posed in BlogFrog, which was this: "Does the title of 'breadwinner' = spouse is the maid?"
I have to admit right off that question was poorly worded. It may have sounded, on first read, that the question reflected something I myself believe to be true, which is definitely NOT the case. In fact, as the discussion progressed, I think I made it pretty clear that I believe exactly the opposite...that I firmly believe whichever partner is out there earning the money is in no way exempt from pitching in with the upkeep of the house, in whichever amount is reasonable and sane for them.
Now, inevitably some of those who responded - and I am so thrilled that people chimed in on the question, I really was/am looking for lots of insight on the issue - got the impression that my own marriage is in deep distress. I invited all of them to come here and read the blog; there aren't hundreds of posts here, of course, but in the "marriage" subject category there are enough to provide some background on where I'm coming from. I will say, very truthfully, that my own marriage has....reached maximum overload as far as stress level, I guess? We've now been married 15 years, and we've known each other/been in our relationship for about 20. So, that first burst of romance/infatuation/etc, well, of course that is waaaaaaaay in the past. Real life takes over, and after the glow wears off, you get down to the nitty gritty business of shlepping through life and trying to stay sane, and pay the bills and do some decent parenting along the way. We are managing, I guess. Becoming special-needs parents added a completely unexpected, constant level of stress and worry to what was already a stressed-out-situation. We have struggled financially, and still are struggling - which is why, when I say I have every appreciation for what B's paycheck means to this family, I really mean it. I perhaps need to show HIM that appreciation, though.
Every marriage has its problems. And, I fully realize that to bring my opinions about marriage, and even the most surface details about my own marriage, into this cyber-reality is going to bring on some seemingly innacurate perceptions about me, about my marriage, about who I am as a married person.
Notice I said, seemingly innacurate perceptions. To be honest? Brutally, searingly honest? Those folks who answered that question in BlogFrog, they clearly "get it" about how to be married, what it means....and they could probably see in one instant that I, clearly, do not get it. Of course counselling was suggested, both marital and personal, which does not surprise me at all. I've been down both of those roads, by the way. They were helpful; we both learned things from that.
Some more background: I am the youngest of 10 children. I have spent most of adult life saying this about my parents' marriage: "they never should have gotten married". Maybe a better thing to say about it is this: My mother should have loved my father without conditions, and my father should have stood up for himself better. As it was, my mother (I think - I was only present for the last 38 years of this) quickly decided that being vulnerable in a marriage relationship wasn't for her, and put up lots and lots of walls to protect herself from being hurt in any way. My father, I think, probably gave up after a while (don't ask me where all the child-having played into this messed-up relationship. I will never know.) - although I do have a very foggy memory of him giving my mother flowers at one point, for something. I don't really know how my father feels about his marriage, and at this point I will probably never know. Unfortunately part of the "collateral damage" involved in my mother's fear of being vulnerable, was that she subtly caused me, early on, to choose sides. As I got older, since she never had anything good to say about my father, and eventually confided in me her bitterness and anger about being married at all, I too began to dislike my father. I long ago lost any opportunity to grow a relationship with my dad - I was on my mother's side for a very, very long time.
Rest assured, my parents are both good people. I had a good childhood, and have lots of good memories and no more than the usual amount of bad ones....I guess. I think my bad memories are more "memories of omission", as in, I don't remember my parents ever speaking kindly to one another. I don't remember a time when my mother wasn't speaking in a hostile, defensive way to my dad. I also don't remember my mother ever giving me the impression that being married, or being a mother, were fulfilling/happy/satisfying ways to live one's life. I don't remember my mother ever saying complimentary things about my father, not in front of him or otherwise. As I got older she started telling me what she told my siblings as well, especially my sisters: "don't get married, and don't have children". [I'll say again, I have already been to counselling.].
What a dichotomy. Here is this ultra-Catholic woman, staying married and having lots of children because the church told her to, turning around and telling her kids "don't get married, and don't have children".
So that's some background on where I'm coming from. I am at a point where I either take a path completely dissimilar to that of my parents in every way (and therefore, very very foreign to my own psyche)....or I give up, decide I'm not strong enough, think only of myself, and head off to Montana or something. [Don't worry, I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT.] I'm hanging on for dear life, to what God has blessed me with - a great man for a husband who still loves me despite my screwed-up background; two great kids who are just fantastic; and a stable and peaceful life.
By the way, my parents are still married. Still. married. Still living in the same house. I mean, really???
I'm not even sure how to interpret that, anymore. Do I take it as a sign of something positive about their relationship? I'm not sure our lives would have been all that great, had they actually gotten divorced at some point. I and all my siblings have turned out pretty well, all things considered; no jail time (well, none that I know of!), no addictions, we're all pretty stable people with pretty stable lives. But without a doubt, the screwed-up dynamic my parents have cultivated has, no question, affected me and my siblings. Of my nine siblings, one is not married, and of the eight who did marry, four of those got divorced...look at that, there's your 50% divorce statistic, right here in my own family. So, as I said, I am hanging for dear life here, trying to bring myself to a big, screeching halt because I can literally see myself making my parents' mistakes. So when you look at my "Books In The Pile", and you see those faith-based books....those are helping me hang on. I know it takes two people to make a marriage work or not, and undoubtedly B has done his part to make our marriage unpleasant at times. We're all human and nobody is perfect. But, at this point, I'm realizing I can't even expend the energy thinking about what he might be doing wrong, because it may take everything I have just to adjust my own perceptions of married life - and fix what I have been doing wrong - so that I don't screw up the lives of three other people.
Well, that's enough for tonight, I think! Thank you for visiting the blog and reading all this. And don't worry, I am making progress, with God's help (and I'm so thankful for the women in my Bible-study group, hanging with them has been such a blessing!!).
Later,
Jen
First, a huge thanks to everyone who has visited here. I so appreciate your visit, your comments, your insights!
Second, I thought it might be good to provide some background, not only on our life here but also some insight on the question I posed in BlogFrog, which was this: "Does the title of 'breadwinner' = spouse is the maid?"
I have to admit right off that question was poorly worded. It may have sounded, on first read, that the question reflected something I myself believe to be true, which is definitely NOT the case. In fact, as the discussion progressed, I think I made it pretty clear that I believe exactly the opposite...that I firmly believe whichever partner is out there earning the money is in no way exempt from pitching in with the upkeep of the house, in whichever amount is reasonable and sane for them.
Now, inevitably some of those who responded - and I am so thrilled that people chimed in on the question, I really was/am looking for lots of insight on the issue - got the impression that my own marriage is in deep distress. I invited all of them to come here and read the blog; there aren't hundreds of posts here, of course, but in the "marriage" subject category there are enough to provide some background on where I'm coming from. I will say, very truthfully, that my own marriage has....reached maximum overload as far as stress level, I guess? We've now been married 15 years, and we've known each other/been in our relationship for about 20. So, that first burst of romance/infatuation/etc, well, of course that is waaaaaaaay in the past. Real life takes over, and after the glow wears off, you get down to the nitty gritty business of shlepping through life and trying to stay sane, and pay the bills and do some decent parenting along the way. We are managing, I guess. Becoming special-needs parents added a completely unexpected, constant level of stress and worry to what was already a stressed-out-situation. We have struggled financially, and still are struggling - which is why, when I say I have every appreciation for what B's paycheck means to this family, I really mean it. I perhaps need to show HIM that appreciation, though.
Every marriage has its problems. And, I fully realize that to bring my opinions about marriage, and even the most surface details about my own marriage, into this cyber-reality is going to bring on some seemingly innacurate perceptions about me, about my marriage, about who I am as a married person.
Notice I said, seemingly innacurate perceptions. To be honest? Brutally, searingly honest? Those folks who answered that question in BlogFrog, they clearly "get it" about how to be married, what it means....and they could probably see in one instant that I, clearly, do not get it. Of course counselling was suggested, both marital and personal, which does not surprise me at all. I've been down both of those roads, by the way. They were helpful; we both learned things from that.
Some more background: I am the youngest of 10 children. I have spent most of adult life saying this about my parents' marriage: "they never should have gotten married". Maybe a better thing to say about it is this: My mother should have loved my father without conditions, and my father should have stood up for himself better. As it was, my mother (I think - I was only present for the last 38 years of this) quickly decided that being vulnerable in a marriage relationship wasn't for her, and put up lots and lots of walls to protect herself from being hurt in any way. My father, I think, probably gave up after a while (don't ask me where all the child-having played into this messed-up relationship. I will never know.) - although I do have a very foggy memory of him giving my mother flowers at one point, for something. I don't really know how my father feels about his marriage, and at this point I will probably never know. Unfortunately part of the "collateral damage" involved in my mother's fear of being vulnerable, was that she subtly caused me, early on, to choose sides. As I got older, since she never had anything good to say about my father, and eventually confided in me her bitterness and anger about being married at all, I too began to dislike my father. I long ago lost any opportunity to grow a relationship with my dad - I was on my mother's side for a very, very long time.
Rest assured, my parents are both good people. I had a good childhood, and have lots of good memories and no more than the usual amount of bad ones....I guess. I think my bad memories are more "memories of omission", as in, I don't remember my parents ever speaking kindly to one another. I don't remember a time when my mother wasn't speaking in a hostile, defensive way to my dad. I also don't remember my mother ever giving me the impression that being married, or being a mother, were fulfilling/happy/satisfying ways to live one's life. I don't remember my mother ever saying complimentary things about my father, not in front of him or otherwise. As I got older she started telling me what she told my siblings as well, especially my sisters: "don't get married, and don't have children". [I'll say again, I have already been to counselling.].
What a dichotomy. Here is this ultra-Catholic woman, staying married and having lots of children because the church told her to, turning around and telling her kids "don't get married, and don't have children".
So that's some background on where I'm coming from. I am at a point where I either take a path completely dissimilar to that of my parents in every way (and therefore, very very foreign to my own psyche)....or I give up, decide I'm not strong enough, think only of myself, and head off to Montana or something. [Don't worry, I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT.] I'm hanging on for dear life, to what God has blessed me with - a great man for a husband who still loves me despite my screwed-up background; two great kids who are just fantastic; and a stable and peaceful life.
By the way, my parents are still married. Still. married. Still living in the same house. I mean, really???
I'm not even sure how to interpret that, anymore. Do I take it as a sign of something positive about their relationship? I'm not sure our lives would have been all that great, had they actually gotten divorced at some point. I and all my siblings have turned out pretty well, all things considered; no jail time (well, none that I know of!), no addictions, we're all pretty stable people with pretty stable lives. But without a doubt, the screwed-up dynamic my parents have cultivated has, no question, affected me and my siblings. Of my nine siblings, one is not married, and of the eight who did marry, four of those got divorced...look at that, there's your 50% divorce statistic, right here in my own family. So, as I said, I am hanging for dear life here, trying to bring myself to a big, screeching halt because I can literally see myself making my parents' mistakes. So when you look at my "Books In The Pile", and you see those faith-based books....those are helping me hang on. I know it takes two people to make a marriage work or not, and undoubtedly B has done his part to make our marriage unpleasant at times. We're all human and nobody is perfect. But, at this point, I'm realizing I can't even expend the energy thinking about what he might be doing wrong, because it may take everything I have just to adjust my own perceptions of married life - and fix what I have been doing wrong - so that I don't screw up the lives of three other people.
Well, that's enough for tonight, I think! Thank you for visiting the blog and reading all this. And don't worry, I am making progress, with God's help (and I'm so thankful for the women in my Bible-study group, hanging with them has been such a blessing!!).
Later,
Jen
Friday, November 6, 2009
One of the most challenging aspects....
about blogging every day, or just blogging in general, is that I never know if anyone else is reading this except me.
I will admit, I have been too chicken to e-mail all my friends/family/acquaintances and say 'hey, come read my blog', because quite frankly sometimes I may be writing a post and complaining about something, and someone may take it personally even though it wasn't meant that way. So, for the time being, I don't exactly have a for-sure audience. I won't say I'm hiding significant parts of my character from my friends/family/acquaintances, but there may be some surprises. For instance, there is a post on here, from earlier this year, where I'm venting about feeling like a single parent because my husband is very often not home, and in the post I basically say that he begged off a church meeting by saying I was sick, so he couldn't go. Well, I admit right away that while I was not actually physically ill at the time, I was pretty da%$ sick of being at home with the kids by myself all the time. Now, some of my friends/acquaintances are people from church. Do I really want them to read that post? I mean, it's not like I'm confessing to a crime, but still...
I have to admit, it is a very good 'brain stretch' to consider, throughout the day, what I'm going to post about that day. Various topics run through my mind, and forcing myself to write every day is definitely a good thing if I believe I have any writing skill at all. B. sometimes (sort-of-jokingly) asks me when I'm going to write my bestseller! I always reply, 'yeah, I don't think I exactly have time for that unless you watch the kids for 8 hours a day, and I'll treat writing like my job". Hasn't happened yet. But really, if I ever had any thought of writing seriously, it does take serious discipline, and this exercise is a good way of getting in the habit.
At the same time, am I really doing this for an audience? I mean, it would be fantastic to "meet" other bloggers through this exercise, and I read various blog which have quite a following (yes, I'll admit, I'm a bit envious). But those blogs have some really gripping story to tell.....a serious illness, a miracle baby, a baby's serious illness, the death of a baby....I don't have a really gripping story, or at least my experiences don't seem all that gripping by comparison. Sigh. See? I'm doubtful that I have a bestseller in me...although, with fiction, it's very easy to come up with a really gripping story, so maybe it's possible yet.
Okay, there's my post for today. Yay! I've made it six days, that's a good thing!
JB
I will admit, I have been too chicken to e-mail all my friends/family/acquaintances and say 'hey, come read my blog', because quite frankly sometimes I may be writing a post and complaining about something, and someone may take it personally even though it wasn't meant that way. So, for the time being, I don't exactly have a for-sure audience. I won't say I'm hiding significant parts of my character from my friends/family/acquaintances, but there may be some surprises. For instance, there is a post on here, from earlier this year, where I'm venting about feeling like a single parent because my husband is very often not home, and in the post I basically say that he begged off a church meeting by saying I was sick, so he couldn't go. Well, I admit right away that while I was not actually physically ill at the time, I was pretty da%$ sick of being at home with the kids by myself all the time. Now, some of my friends/acquaintances are people from church. Do I really want them to read that post? I mean, it's not like I'm confessing to a crime, but still...
I have to admit, it is a very good 'brain stretch' to consider, throughout the day, what I'm going to post about that day. Various topics run through my mind, and forcing myself to write every day is definitely a good thing if I believe I have any writing skill at all. B. sometimes (sort-of-jokingly) asks me when I'm going to write my bestseller! I always reply, 'yeah, I don't think I exactly have time for that unless you watch the kids for 8 hours a day, and I'll treat writing like my job". Hasn't happened yet. But really, if I ever had any thought of writing seriously, it does take serious discipline, and this exercise is a good way of getting in the habit.
At the same time, am I really doing this for an audience? I mean, it would be fantastic to "meet" other bloggers through this exercise, and I read various blog which have quite a following (yes, I'll admit, I'm a bit envious). But those blogs have some really gripping story to tell.....a serious illness, a miracle baby, a baby's serious illness, the death of a baby....I don't have a really gripping story, or at least my experiences don't seem all that gripping by comparison. Sigh. See? I'm doubtful that I have a bestseller in me...although, with fiction, it's very easy to come up with a really gripping story, so maybe it's possible yet.
Okay, there's my post for today. Yay! I've made it six days, that's a good thing!
JB
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)